Today I woke up feeling very dark and moody- GOTHIC!
All I wanted to do was hide under the covers and go back to sleep. I wanted the the world to leave me alone but duty called and I had to drag my miserable body out of bed. "Stomps feet, I don't wannnnaaaaa, whiny voice!"
To make matters worse I got stuck in traffic on the way to gym, I had a fight with a Harley Davidson driver who gave me the finger because I was trying to be polite and I have a HUGE hole in my back tooth which constantly aches. I have to go to the dentist tomorrow...fun fun. I have been avoiding this for months, if I eat on that side, it feels like someone has stuck a needle into my nerves. It is time to fix this but I am so nervous. I don't mind doctors but dentist are a different story. I will be taking my mom with for hand holding moral support. Yes, I am a baby.
I also woke up with YELLOW hair...yes yellow! I am so,so irritated. I wanted my hair to be bleached the colour of PINK'S hair...you know the rock singer! I LOVE her ash blond, silver, short hair...after TELLING my hairdresser that I did not want to see any yellow in my hair I walked out of the salon not that happy. I could see yellow but was not 100% sure... it was 18:30 on a Friday night, I was tired and just wanted to get home to Luke, so I left it. I do however think she knew it was not right because as I left she still told me that I may need more toner! Duhhhhh!
I have stared at the doo all weekend and after washing it last night I know it is not just me and this happy, sunflower colour is not what I paid for, it is most defiantly YELLOW, it has to go! I will be calling my hairdresser tomorrow to fix my hair, SIGH. I would do it today but they are closed on Mondays....what a pain! A pity my mood does not match my happy, yellow, sunny hair!
Okay to be honest all this stuff that I am moaning about is minor and can be fixed. My major upset is actually the fact that my baby is growing up so, so fast and while I definitely do celebrate his milestones...him cutting 2 teeth this past week has left a pain in my heart. He is no longer a toothless baby but is now well and truly on the road to becoming a little boy. It scares me how quickly this is all happening. Where is the time going and where am I, I feel lost?
I can't get my mind around how life is speeding by, I feel like I am standing on the platform and am missing the train! My months, weeks, days are staring to blur and I am having trouble remembering things. I feel all over the place and out of control. Luke's toofies were a huge wake up call, time waits for no man/woman.... I MUST take control again, slow down and look after myself better - my teeth are a classic example of me not looking after myself and leaving things! I can feel the depression sitting on my back, it is getting heavier and I need to fight it, keep it away.
I am hoping that by putting this post out there it will make me accountable and will help me to remember that I am also on this planet. This is my week. I will be reassessing what is truly important. I will put plans in place and will be moving forward.
I do hope that by doing this insead of just floating around and hoping for the best time will slow down and I can then celebrate Luke's milestones instead of feeling heart sore because there was just not enough time to enjoy every second.
Much Love M