June 15, 2010

How Hard Can It Be?

Feeling: Amused!

Okay so how hard can having a baby be?

This very question would pop into my head every time I would hear my friends talk about motherhood and the various challenges that they were experiencing.

It is a cabbage for the first three months right?...sleep, eat, poop, wee ....repeat.... easy peasy!

Oh my goodness... I was so,so wrong. I admit this loudly and proudly.Motherhood is one of the most hectic, life altering experiences that I have EVER had. I was blind sided by a 3kg human.

He rocked my world and even today my axis is still a little skew! I LOVE it.

The 1st week we brought Luke home it was touch and go as to whether I was actually going to make it! I have never felt so out of control or out of my depth in my entire life. I quickly realised that my baby was not a cabbage but was a living, breathing, moving, developing little person made especially by God. He already had likes and dislikes..it took me about 3 months to learn his lingo - I was a slow learner but he now has me trained!

This cry, noise, moan means this and that facial expression means that and no you can't hurt, kill or permanently damage you baby by doing x and y. I remember Chris telling me that Luke is not as fragile as he looks and that I need to take control (Just shows you how amazing my husband is, he knew more about babies than I did - he is my hero)!

I was convinced that I was not doing things right or that I was somehow hurting Luke! I felt like I was all thumbs, I was not the graceful, controlled domestic goddess/mother/wife I had envisioned.

I found it a learning curb doing even the simple task of dressing Luke, he was so squirmy. I would finally get everything together and he would wee all over me and himself, so we would have to start the process again. Lets not forget when he had a "spuit poop" all over me..beeeauuuutifuul!! I was shocked, it took me awhile to regroup after that one!

Sleep deprivation now that is an interesting topic, do you know that in many countries it is used as a form of torture....YES you heard me, Torture. Okay my first thought AGAIN, you think I would learn,how bad can it be?.. surely you sleep when you baby sleeps?..GIGGLE!

Luke used to eat every 2 hours , it would take him at least 30 minutes to finish feeding, then 30 minutes of burping, then he would either sleep or not..his choice... so where did my sleep fit in? Get the picture..!

I remember one particular evening (shudder) Luke screamed the whole night. I had my baby sense book out and was ticking off all the possible causes for his unhappiness, is he warm enough- check, is he cool enough- check, are his clothes comfortable- check, does he have any scratchy labels that I can remove- check, is his nappy clean- check, is he hungry- check, is he windy- check, is he insecure and needs to be swaddled correctly- check and so the list continued.... eventually I came to (in my foggy, slightly deranged mind) the only possible conclusion, I was just a bad, bad mother and my baby of a week old already hated me.

In the first 3 months Chris would often step in and in his usual calm, amused manner take control of a situation. He was fantastic and would often put my fears at rest and would calm the guilt that I often felt. I now know that guilt comes with the territory, it seems to be a prerequisite for motherhood!

Luke is my angel when he sleeps, adorable when he giggles, a character when he squeals for attention, a flirt when meeting someone new with his coy little smile, a heart melter when he puts out his little hands for me, beautiful when he watches my every move with his big blue eyes, cute when I undress him and see his screw on wrists and chubby thighs, amazing when he frowns in concentration when learning something new, a heart breaker when he cries, mischievous when be blows bubbles and the KING when he gets his own way hehee,all in all he is just perfect!

He is a part of me and I him, we are getting to know each other daily. I relish the the moments of true unconditional love that I feel as a mother for son!

Love M

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